Bowing and Hugging by Euna Moon

Bowing and Hugging

Have you ever seen a grown-up who looks like he or she is still learning something that even children know? If you have seen someone like that, that must be a foreigner. When I came to the U.S, I had already graduated from a university and gotten married, but here, I felt that I had become an elementary student again. Due to the difference between American and Korean cultures, I had to learn and get familiar with the American lifestyle. Although Korea has been accepting the way of western life such as food, clothing, music, and transportation system, there were some other culture aspects that took more time to get familiar with like language, etiquette, and social relationship. Among those, the most unfamiliar part was the attitude and relationship between young people and older people. Both countries have polite words and formal etiquette in general, but Korea also has unique manners regarding show respect to elders.

Young Korean are supposed to use respectful language and behavior when talking to the elders. For example, we shouldn't call the elders by their first names. If younger person and elder's relationship is very close, it is possible to call their name but should follow it with a proper title. However, no matter how close a relationship you have, if she or he is a senior, we almost never use her or his first name. We smile, hug, or wave a hand like Americans, but we bow politely first when we great elders. Therefore, it was not easy to get familiar with calling a senior's first name or greeting casually when I just got to the U.S. Whenever I called a senior's name, I used to feel that I was impolite, and worried about whether she or he would think that I was being rude. Now, after I have been here for over ten years, I feel comfortable calling them by name, and greeting them by just hugging or waving a hand.

Another the different manner between these two countries is table manners with seniors. When Korean people have a meal with seniors, we try not to sit down before them, and we have to wait until the oldest starts the meal. We are also encouraged not to talk much or lean your elbow on the table while eating in front of a senior. In addition, we also have very unique drinking etiquette. We usually don't ask for drinks for ourselves unless a senior on the table proposes. If a senior allows you to drink, a young person should turn her or his body to the opposite side from the elder and drink. Even though my husband and I are living in the U.S, we still follow that etiquette living with our parents-in-law. Whenever my friends who are from other countries visit my home, they are interested in the new etiquette and show their respect to our culture by following it themselves. In this way, I didn't have to feel like an alien among Americans.

This tradition of respecting elders is reflected in the way that Korea celebrates New Year's Day as well. Many countries in the world celebrate New Year's Day and have their own way to celebrate. Early in the morning in New Year's Day, we have a feast dedicated to the ancestors first at the home of the eldest family member. After that, we great with a formal bow of respect to the elders, and at the same time, we say, "SaeHae Bok Mani BaDeuSaeYo" which means "My best wishes for the New Year." Then, the elders give some blessing words back to the younger people. Also at that time, if the younger person has a job and an elder is a senior, the younger person usually gives fortune money to a senior. Since my family has been living in the U.S, we celebrate New Year's Eve Countdown along with Americans, but we follow out traditions in the morning of the New Year.

American's attitude toward elders seems sometimes more casual than Korean's. My kids were born here. Even though I have been teaching them Korean tradition and etiquette since they were young, they have been struggling with using the respectful language in Korean. As I have been confused by some of the American culture, my kids who are Korean-American would take some time understanding Korean customs as well. Therefore, we might be often lost in translation between two cultures; I hope that we can live with harmony in both. The Chinese used to refer to Korea as "The Country of Courteous People in the East" according to old Chinese historical literature. Nowadays, even though some traditions are changing or vanishing, respectful etiquette is still observed among young generation in Korea.