Who Knows About You

Who Knows About You?

On a cold winter night, my older sister was rushing to the neighbor’s house to ask for help because my mom had collapsed. My sister was nine years old by that time, and my dad was out of town. The neighbors hurried to call the doctor and my mom felt better soon after. But this memory will never leave me- the image of how our neighbors were there for us, supportive and caring. Also, there were many different neighbors ready to help at anytime- not as a favor but more as a normal responsibility of the neighborhood. Now, as I live on the other side of the globe, I feel that part of me is still missing that kind of warm spirit which connects the neighborhood in my city Damascus.

It can be the city planning of Damascus which helped create this kind of social interaction. Small buildings are contiguous to each other to form a very dense network of housing. Narrow roads filled with jasmine perfume come from everywhere. Distances are mostly walkable, so that you don’t need to use your car. And the safety you feel, even if you are walking in the middle of the night, makes you want to walk more and more. A typical trip starts, after departing your house, with meeting some of the neighbors on the staircase who ask you about everybody in the family and make sure they are good. Then you pass the grocery store, the pharmacy and other shops until you reach your destiny. You need your smile for every neighbor passing by. Also, it is common to accidently run into an old friend that you haven’t seen in a while.

Neighbors in Damascus are more like a big family. There is a famous Syrian proverb that says “Who knows about you better than your god and your neighbor”. The proverb reflects the nature of this relationship between neighbors. They always check on you, offer you help even if you didn’t ask for it. They also take care of the poor in their own area feeling that it is a part of their duty. Sometimes they knock your door to bring you a plate of food. And it is something from what they cooked for that day, guessing that the smell has reached your nose and you’re longing for a piece.

Sometimes those neighborly relationships get more complicated and meddlesome. For example, the neighbor’s advice is something inevitable. Whether you want or not, it will be there anyway. Moreover, you need to keep them in your mind as a constant audience. Therefore, you always need to dress and behave in an appropriate way. People in other cultures may think that this is too interfering. And I used to think simlarly. Nevertheless, now after all this years I feel that I need that kind of family which really cares for me and can’t hide the advice behind the wall of “my privacy”.

On the contrary, here in the United States I live in a big high rise that has more than 150 condos minimums. In fact, it took me a while to just recognize some of the faces, forget about the names. Most of them are warm and nice, but is there any depth on the personal dimension of the relationship? Would I count on one to look after me or my family in case of emergency? Actually, I really love Chicago city, yet part of me is still yearning that supporting interaction with the social environment.