Getting Lost from Qimei Huang

Getting Lost



One day, I was talking with my friend on the phone and she said, “You have changed.” At first, I was shocked and speechless because I had not realized that before. But after a few seconds, “It was a good change for me, right?” I said. In 2008, I decided to go to Chicago and study. I knew it would be a challenge for me because American culture is different from Chinese culture. Everything in this country is new for me. I have been here for just one year, but the American culture has affected my relationship to friends, family and the community.

Friends play an important role in everyone’s life. If you are far away from your family, your friends will act as your family. They can help you when you are in trouble. And when I came here the first time, I was excited because I was able to make new friends from other countries. In China, when people meet for the first time, they will not talk a lot and just greet each other, so I was shy and passive my first day in class. In contrast, people in my class were active and learned from each other. Even though it was the first day in class, they were friendly and talkative. At that time, I was worried because this was not my way of meeting people. It seemed that I was isolated. Lately, I realized that this is the United States not China and I should get used to these kinds of ways of talking to and meeting people. After a few days, I encouraged myself and tried to meet people from my own initiative. It was true that I could make friends easily if I was active.

I have different opinions not only about friends but also about family. The value people place on family differs between these two countries. In America, independence is often more important than family. When people are eighteen years old in the U.S, many will start to live by themselves, and they can do what they want to do. By contrast, in China, family is the first consideration in person’s mind. When a person decides to do something, he should think about his family. For example, when parents in America get older, many of them might live alone or live in the old folks home where there are nurses and doctors looking after them. It seems normal. They think their children have a new family to take care of and need to spend time on their career. They should have their privacy and time. However, in China, children will live with parents and take care of them by themselves when their parents get older. If some people make their parents live in nursing home or live alone, people think they are not good children and hurt their parents feeling. I was struggling with these two points of view when I first time got here. In the past, I thought it was good to live with parents. However now, I prefer living by myself because I like the freedom I have, and living with family feels like I’m attached to a chain. I could not just leave it alone. As you can see, independence goes first in America, but in China family is of sovereign importance.

In community, people present themselves in distinct ways. In the United States, people are assertive and compelling when they are in public. They want to show the ability they have. They have enthusiasm to express their emotions. On the other hand, people in China, are more formal and modest. They will think about the propriety and righteousness. They prefer keeping their emotions in their heart. For instance, in the United States, when a teacher asked for a volunteer in class, sometimes I would keep quiet and listen to the teacher. However, other students in my class motivate and shared their opinions. It made me feel like I am falling behind. However now, I have changed myself. I try to participate in class and ask questions when I am confused. It is more fun than just listening to teacher.

People will change as life moves on. I have changed the way I get along with friends, family and other people in my community. When I first arrived here, I seemed to feel lost. It was hard to accept it, but now, I understand it is a different culture, so it affects people’s personalities. You cannot change the world, but you can change yourself. My friend told me that I could learn something new from a new culture; however, at the same time, it was a challenge for me. I think in the future I will become more amenable.