A Tacit Agreement- Ansuk Lim

A Tacit Agreement

There is an old saying in Korea “the younger should give precedence to the elder”. Koreans try to arrange the relationship among themselves by defining their ages. This relationship usually means a vertical organization based on age. Thus, it is typical for people in Korea to ask each other their names and ages at the first meeting, even women. In addition, the age affects the social rank. Korean culture has been changing as time goes by, but those kinds of roles still remain because these are like a tacit agreement. Since such tacit agreements about age are applied in family, at school and at work in Korea, I am very familiar with this circumstance. However, since I came to the U.S., I have been surprised by different attitude regarding age between Korea and the U.S.

First, we can see the vertical relationship in the family. Traditionally, our culture had a large family system. The grandparents, parents and children lived together, and there was an order of rank as a strict role in the house. Children should obey their parents. People think that is the way to respect elder. Therefore, there are some behaviors what the younger family members should not do to the elders. For example, when I first visited my friend’s family in Chicago, I was shocked by their behaviors because my friend slapped his mother’s head. I knew the action was a joke, but it was still shocking for me. I could not imagine that behavior in my family. Children playing such jokes on their parents would never be allowed in Korea.

Second, respecting elders also plays an important role at schools in Korea. We can see how this role is applied to the relationship between the teachers and students. In Korea, it is said that out of reverence for one’s teacher, one should not even step on his or her shadow. We never call the teacher using his or her name or rebut the teacher’s opinion. We always use their title like “professor” or “doctor”, not the name. When I first attended class in Chicago, the teacher introduced himself and asked us to call him by his name, not teacher. However, when I said his name, I felt sorry for him. Calling the teacher’s name in Korea is mind bogging because it seems challenging to the teacher.

Finally, the workplace is no exception to this rule. Furthermore, the rank and age are applied simultaneously at work. In Korea, the relationship between the superior and the inferior is very clear. For example, when a junior company member is promoted faster than a senior, the senior employee should consider quitting the job because people will avoid working under the junior. Thus, they are just colleagues and competitors at work. They cannot be a friend each other. However, when I attended a party which my friend’s company hosted in Chicago last Halloween, I was astonished by relationship between my friend and his superior. They looked just like friends. They called each other buddy. However, Koreans never do that. They tend to think that being friends is possible only when they are the same age.

In conclusion, of course, the age and rank are important in some other societies but not like Korea. Respecting elders is a major virtue in family, school and work life in Korea. I like this custom, and I think it is a great custom in Korea. However, it also could be a barrier to develop the society. This intangible wall may impede the flow of the flexible thoughts and can foster superficial relationships between people. If an elder person approached a younger more friendly and with open-mined, the relationship between them would be better. I think it is important not to be immoderate even though it is a good custom.